Tag Archives: Girls gotta have shoes

Nina and Her Saga For THE Shoes Part 3/新菜とハイヒール 第三戦

A few months later, Mila was actually doing so much of the chores she got her own chore chart as well.  Sometimes they were full on, and other times, not so much.  It was working out pretty well though, they learned to budget.  Clearly, Nina was the saver and Mila was the spender.  It was amusing to watch the girls debate what they should buy.  Nina’s first ever purchase was a box of milo and she sheepishly asked me if she would need to share with Mila.  I said no, she bought with her own hard earned money, she doesn’t have to share.  I could tell she felt guilty, and from that day on, when she bought a milo for herself, she usually bought one for her sister.

Though sometimes, she’d get mad at Mila for not returning the favor, I shrugged it off.  I had at this point, totally forgot about Nina’s initial reason to want her own money.

And the day came.  Now, December one year later, Nina, out of the blue (well, for me anyways) came up to me and said.

“Mommy, how much do I need for those shoes.  I’m going to buy those shoes”

“Huh? What shoes?”

“The high heel shoes, you know, the ones at the store.  The shiny pink shoes”

“I have my own money now.  I’m going to buy them”

“Uh….well…really? I explained to you those aren’t very good for you right?”

“Yes, I know, they hurt your ankle and your back, and you would have to set up rules on where to use them, but I still want them.  I worked hard.”

“Eh….”

As I looked around for some lame excuse on why she shouldn’t buy them.  I searched online for better shoes.  Showed her various pairs I saw online.  She looked at me and said,

“They’re nice, but that’s not what I want”

Crap….I totally forgot about this.  And she’s super SERIOUS.

“OK, well, we can get those if that’s what you REALLY want, but that’s a big chunk of your piggy bank, can we at least look at the other options, see what else you CAN get, and if you still are into those shoes, then you can buy them.”

Nina, after few moments of silence said, “OK, I’m still getting those shoes, but maybe we can find nicer shoes. So we can go shopping”

After that, I started to text my friends with daughters trying to see if there’s any other options out there.  Hell, I wasn’t even sure if the original pair she wanted was still at the shop.  It was a  year ago.  The next day, we went everywhere, hit up every kids shop/toy shop and nope, no matter how I pitched for “better” “prettier” options, she didn’t budge.  She earned her just money and she wanted to use them.

At the end of the day, she looked at me with tears in her eyes.  “Why won’t you let me buy those shoes, I worked so hard!!”

Game Over.  I had to let her have them.  I promised to pick her up from daycare early the next day and to take her to the shop.  I had to warn her that it has been an year and those shops tend to turn over fast, but otherwise, she had every right to those shoes.

So she got them. And she’s super happy about them. The store shockingly still had them in stock and though they didn’t have the color she wanted, she’s very happy with her blue shoes.  Nina, your diligence, memory and your strong will power amaze me.

So if you see a young girl, in Singapore, wearing these wedges and being happy, don’t judge.  She bloody well worked hard for them.  Yes, I still have rules on where and how she can wear them, but I want to believe that her super strong will power and ability to work hard for what she wants is something very precious that as parent, I need to respect and help grow.

Nina, I love and respect that powerful heart of yours.

nina-buying-shoes_cropped

Nina paying for her shoes. Shiny!

忘れるだろう、放棄するだろうと思ってたお小遣いチャート、数週間後には新菜は初めて自分のお金でミロを買って大喜び。自分のお金で買ったものは実良と分けなくても良いと知って、喜んだものの、結局自分の分を買う時には実良にもちゃーんと、買ってあげるお姉ちゃん。Daisoでお買い物の楽しみ方も知って、結構続けていた。それどころか実良も自分もやりたいというので、実良も始めたら二人で頑張りだした。お姉ちゃんは堅実派、実良は結構散財派だという、母としては微妙な感覚もわかりつつ、それなりに皆楽しみながら続けて一年後。クリスマスシーズンに、新菜が一言。

「ママ、あの靴、買っていいよね。あの靴、いくらだっけ、数えてくれる?」

「は?靴?何の?」

「あのハイヒール、ピンクの、キラキラしたやつ。自分のお金なら買っていいんだよね。新菜、あるよ」

「え…」

お、思い出した~。まだ覚えてたか、っていうか、怨念化しそうだな。っていうか、あれした念頭にないのか。必死でオンラインショップを見てみるけど、あまりいいのもなし、あってもアメリカとかイギリスが多くて、すぐに手に入るものはなし。っていうか、ヒールなんて、あんまり履かせたくない。フラットのキラキラシューズを見つけて、見せてみるも、

「かわいいけど、それじゃない。あの靴が良いの。」

うげ、これはかなーりマジだ。これは折れない。今まで一言もあの靴の事を言わなかったのも、ひたすら貯めてたのも、これか。

「欲しいのは分かった、一生懸命やってたのも知ってる。でもあの靴、かなりするよ、ぶたさんの中身、結構使っちゃうよ、他のお店も一応見てみようよ。もっといいものあるかもしれないよ」

「…分かった、じゃ、見てみる。でもあの靴買うよ。」

それから一日見て歩きましたよ。何か所も。子供の服、靴のあるところはすべて、それにおもちゃ屋さんも。Cotton Onならワンピース、キラキラ靴とおもちゃ買ってもおつり来るよ~、みたいな事言ってみたり、女の子のいる友達に聞いてみたり。でもおめがねに適うものはなく。歩き回って、最終的には涙目で、「何で買わせてくれないの、がんばったのに。」

って言われて、完敗。はい、ママの出した条件は全てクリアしたよ。がんばったよ。一年間、文句も言わずに頑張ったんだ、こうなったらママもサポートするよ、というわけで、ヒール靴を買った新菜さん。大事に箱に入れて、たまのおでかけに出してきて、にこにこ履いてる。

色々学んだ一年。新菜のがんばりと意志の強さには驚かされる。このまま、いい方向に伸ばしてやりたい。靴を買って、一週間。二人共まだお手伝いはちゃんと続けてる。身になってると思う。何がきっかけになるかは分からないけど、自分でやりたいものを見つけて、その為にがんばるその気持ちをこれからも大切にして行こうね。

…それでもヒールを履くときは色々な制限をつけてしまう、それがママ、なのか。

 

 

Nina and Her Saga For THE Shoes Part 1/新菜とハイヒール 第一戦

So, don’t judge.  I know the studies. I am fully aware of the social backlash and contempt concept of putting a young girl in high heels AND the possible physical effects of wearing them at a very young age.   I said NO.  I provided other options.  She didn’t budge.  This wasn’t just another, “I want.” It was more than that and I caved.  I respected her efforts, determination and I wanted her to know that I’ve got her back. So here’s the story.

A year ago, we passed by a terribly glitzy glittery store.  I usually walk right by them and don’t even look back.  Nina (four, at this time) stopped dead in her tracks and said,

 

“I want those shoes.”

I turned to see a pair of glittery wedges, around one inch high, with additional shiny jewels….in her size.

First reaction: “I want?”

Nina: “May I have those shoes please”(add lip quiver)

Me: “No, those aren’t really appropriate for you. ”

Nina: “But I really really want high shoes. You wear them all the time”

Me: “They’re not good for girls your age.  Your can hurt your ankles, (add whatever other reasons here).  You know, mommy didn’t really get to wear high heels until I could buy my own”

Nina: “How did you have your own money”

Me: “You work for your money”

Nina: “Can I do that?”

Me: “Sure, we can start a chore chart”

Nina: “OK, then I can put money in my Frozen wallet”

Me: “Yes, you will need to save a lot though ….those shoes are pretty expensive”

Seriously, they were 60 bucks.  Which I thought was a bit much for shoes that looked shiny but really, a child would not be able to walk around much in.

I thought our conversation ended there and we went home.  I was patting myself on the back about how a potential tantrum was avoided….Well….this was a beginning of a looong saga to her perfect shoes.

もう2年前の話になるのだけど。ある日、近所のモールで、ピッカピカのキッラキラの、デコ携帯の親玉バージョンみたいなお店の前を通った。新菜の足(当時4歳)の足がピタッと止まった。

あれ、欲しい。

彼女の指さした先にはやはりピッカピカの子供サイズのハイヒールが。

私:「欲しい?」

新菜「あの靴、買ってください」プルプル。

私 げ、暴れだす兆しありだ。「だめ、あれは新菜には早すぎるよ、色んな意味で(足首とか、子供にヒールはなんとか…理由をごにょごにょ)」

新菜「何で?ママいつもハイヒールでしょ。すごーく欲しいの」

私「まだ早いって、それにママだって、ハイヒール履くようになったのは、自分のお金で買えるようになってからよ。」

新菜「自分の、ってどうすればいいの?」

私「お仕事だね。」

新菜「新菜もやる」

私「お手伝い表でもつくるか。おうち帰ってからね。」

新菜「うん、新菜、Frozenのお財布持ってるから、そこに入れるね。」

私「いいんじゃない、でもあの靴結構お高いから大変かもね」

ちらっと見たら、60ドル、いや、あのちゃっちいコッテコテの靴、しかも絶対子供が歩けないような靴にしちゃ、お高いでしょ。まーいっか、どうにか大暴れの事態だけは避けられた~。良かった。と思いながら家に帰る。実は、私はこの会話の事を数日前まで忘れてたのだ。